I don't want to defend my past self because while I wasn't evil, I was garbage, and while it objectively wasn't my fault that I entered college broken n shitty, I let it get worse until I realized I was going over a cliff with the help of a friend and I started working on myself, then acid happened, and juggling, and more acid, and MKULTRA, and a cult, and homelessness. Oh! I was a woman for a few years. Can't forget that. I stayed at the women's homeless shelter in Portland; I wasn't the only one with a beard there! And that's all going to factor in to how much the hate-fueled peoples are going to fuck themselves for it was my one handler that told me that it was my recovery and transformation that would inspire people.