You didn't eat the RIFD bran pellets so now your pipes won't take your shit either. Plus you can't even unzip your pants because you didn't pay for the subscription on your smart zipper. Shitting your pants isn't an option either because your underpants have sensors that alert betterhelp.com if you soil yourself. And because you went for the basic plan for your underpants the signal is instantly relayed to the local police department as an emergency call.

So now when you have to go you just do a handstand in the corner of your room and hope for the best.