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It's the company that counts (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 8 months ago by [M] to c/Couplememes@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 42 points 8 months ago* (2 children)

a lot of people don't.

i've dated women who didn't want me to touch/kiss them ever outside of sex. it was weird. i can imagine that some people tolerate that behaviour and just have a partner who never touches them. i will say they all had massive control/anxiety issues in other areas of their life as well. I've also had partners who hated certain sex acts that seemed perfectly fun/normal to me.

a lot of people have very strict beliefs about the context in which touch should occur even with romantic partners. or consider touch to be 'dirty'

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  • [–] 23 points 8 months ago (1 child)

    That's valid but also kind of sad. I've dated ace before so I get that some people just aren't wired for certain things. I but feel a little bad for people who can't even have nonsexual contact free of shame, but maybe there's a perspective I'm lacking. Just feels like shame should have no place in a relationship even if physical touch isn't present either.

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  • [–] 25 points 8 months ago (2 children)

    Some people just don't like being touched. Sometimes it's trauma, sometimes simple preference. It's not always about shame

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  • [–] 1 point 8 months ago

    I like being touched and touching, it's just horrible to try, or imagine trying, and then being rejected. What if I'm coming on too strong? What if they don't want to touch right now? What if they don't want to touch right now, or I'm actually smelly from a mild amount of sweat and they have to endure that because they don't want to tell me off but I haven't realized it, and now I'm subjecting them to unpleasantness that they feel obligated to endure?

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  • [–] 14 points 8 months ago

    Not all of that, but a whole lot of it is from being raised in... the American version of a Christian household.

    These are the kind of parents who will spy on their kids, catch them masturbating, and then punish them harshly, tie it directly into their moral/spiritual validity as a person.

    Puritanism is very much still alive and well.

    It produces uptight, broken, neurotic people with those control and anxiety issues you mentioned.

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