"In" feels like the wrong preposition here, since the creatures involved are all on the same side of you. Next to? It's more like you're a room or two away from an orgy and the sound doesn't really carry.

They don’t poop from what I recall.

But they don’t go anywhere when they die so you are covered with poop balloon corpses.

It's not an illness. In most cases they are completely harmless and unavoidable, you get them from your mom as a baby and carry them your whole life. Most people have them. A minority of people can have some skin condition due to them, but it's quite rare. And yes dogs carry them too, but not an issue for them either.