Not only am I blessed to have a full head of hair, but my younger brother has always been so much more handsome than me. Girls clawed to get to him, they fought to get to him.

It was so funny the other night when I was on a video call with him and his wife, and I don’t even remember the comment that I made, but she pointed out that he was bald, and I had a full head of hair and I nearly lost it.

I’m sorry that probably hurts you. It’s just a win for me, it was always so fucking easy for him. Now he’s bald and mad about it, and here I am with a beautiful lion’s mane.

He could read this comment easily, he knows all of my usernames and shit online.

So hey, I have a full head of hair asshole. Where’s your hair?

It’s so crazy though, everything I ever did, he did it better. Just across the board entirely. Still to this day, shit I busted my ass on for 25 years. He’s doing it better with no effort.

So all I really have is my hair. He has it all, the lucky bastard. It’s only right that he went bald. Nobody should be able to have it all.