27
Would you date a workaholic? [DuckDuckGo Sociology] (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 hours ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
48 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I'm a guy who has been dating a woman for several months. She is self-employed and I swear about 20% of our conversations is her explaining all the things she has to do every day that may prevent her from being able to commit to seeing me. She swears she just got backed up on things and she'll become more available, but I see her inventory continuing to grow, not shrink. She is also constantly supervising people on a variety of house projects (mutual disinterest in me getting involved there).

So I decided to ask the internet (DuckDuckGo (DDG) specifically): Am I dating a workaholic? What I found surprised me. I imagined I'd find a bunch of stupid little Cosmo-style quizzes, with the understanding that the reader would find out they were dating an workaholic and leave the relationship. Instead what I found was article after article after article with titles like,

  • How to Date a Workaholic: 8 Steps (with Pictures)
  • Dating a Workaholic (13 Tips to Make It Work)
  • 12 Tips to Cope when Dating a Workaholic

The internet is assuming I WANT to date a workaholic.

Contrast that with results to the question Am I dating someone emotionally unavailable? DDG more straightforwardly answer the question ("17 Signs Someone is Emotionally Unavailable") with a sprinkling of advice for how to cope.

I see workaholism as basically identical to emotional unavailability, but obviously it's treated differently by society (maybe because it comes with money and home repairs?). So what is going on? Would you date a workaholic?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 12 points 3 hours ago (4 children)

Personally, I couldn't do it. I understand if they are working hard to survive or provide for children/family, but when you don't have those obligations you really have to choose whether you want such a demanding career or a relationship. It's just not fair to the other partner, regardless of how much money they're bringing in.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • hideshow 7 child comments
    •
  • [–] 9 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (3 children)

    Some folks are looking for that though, they just want someone to give them money and mostly leave them alone by working all the time.

    They have different definition of happiness and typically are looking for material comfort more than romantic fulfillment. Like, their ideal relationship is someone who works 80 hours a week, and they only spend time together on vacations and such and the working person pays all the bills for them.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 1 point 2 hours ago (1 child)

    This is definitely a gendered dynamic. I'd feel like a freeloading piece of shit doing that, and I'd have plenty of social support in feeling that way.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 2 hours ago* (1 child)

    fwiw I know one couple where the guy is the freeloader. but his entire life he has been that way, he never once had a job and before his wife paid his bills his parents paid for them until he was like 35. and she is a workaholic who makes about 400K a year, just like his parents...

    but yeah that's NOT the norm, typically it's the other way. #1 complain of women in dating is men don't make enough to be providers for them anymore.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 hour ago

    I haven't seen that in any list of complaints about men, but I'm sure the women who are looking to be tradwives are having a harder time. That said, the results for "am I dating someone cheap?" does not include any coping tips (to put it mildly).

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
    • load more comments (1 reply)
    • load more comments (1 reply)